It happened last week, but I haven't stopped re-living it every night, when I'm cuddling up in bed, or stopped smiling gleefully.

I loved the sunny smile on his face when I appeared at the end of the corridor. "Surprise," I said. He laughed.

I knew his muscles hurt from too many hours hunched over his laptop. Too many papers to grade, too many presentations to prepare. I should know, because my neck and sides of the ribs hurt like mad too.

So I'd turned up, because I wanted to help him work out the kinks with just the power of human touch.

"Here? Right now?" He sounded uncomfortable, but the moment my fingers started sweeping his neck and applying pressure to the pain points, he could only murmur an "all right".

I remembered what felt good. I soothed eucalyptus into the temples  to take away a headache, and into the back of the ears. I pounded out his back and shoulders, and rubbed firmly down the sides below the ribs, where just a few days earlier had hurt so much I screamed bloody murder when my masseuse touched me.

He leaned his head back into my arms, and felt more relaxed. But you could tell he still tensed up whenever I hit the painful parts. I knew how bad it felt and I really wanted to make him feel better.

Then I moved to the front. I sat on a chair facing him, and soothed the neck with small circles. His hand crept onto my leg. When I touched him, he squeezed my leg. Sometimes he would change hands to the other leg too.

Then he put his hands on my waist, dragging me a little closer. I was a little self-conscious, love handles and all. He just lightly held me as I kneaded his arms.
Then his head seemed to come closer. Our noses almost touched.
I turned my head lightly to the side, so I could see the tendons in his neck.

And then he turned his head and brought his mouth down onto mine. No warning, no words, no sound. His lips were soft, and searching this time. One gentle, lingering kiss, then another, more searching, more insistent, his lips nibbling mine apart. Then, a pleasurable, eager touch of a tongue.
Its weight pressed on my lips and it stroked my tongue, once, twice, thrice.
Just a hint of a tease, before he pushed away. Shyly, he said: "We can't, we're in my office..."

I wanted to laugh. I wanted to cry.
I put my arms around him, and just hugged him close for a moment. He makes me feel so warm and safe.

And unsatisfied.

Last night, I told him in no uncertain terms that I wasn't settling for a tease. I want my great, spine-tingling, toe-curling, Hollywood movie-worthy kiss, please. I figure, life's too short for regrets.